Friday, January 25, 2008

Is it actually happening?

As some of you may know, I am back up at Emory right now. I have spent the last 5 days here receiving even more chemo. (For those keeping track: Part 3A of the Hyper-CVAD) I was sitting here today thinking about how different life is for me now. I just could bring myself to believe that all of this is actually happening. Early this week I received a phone call from the transplant coordinator, Cheryl. She wanted to tell me that everything had been approved and after she found out what my doctors had planed for the rest of my treatment that she could set up all the appointments and dates for the bone marrow transplant, but until we have specifics all she could give me was an estimation. The tentative date for transplant will be March 10th. It is later than we were told originally, but we trust that God has a purpose for having us wait. I have to be honest. I don't think I've ever been so afraid in my life. When the doctors first told me that transplant will be my only option for a cure I was confused and unsure of what that really meant. Now that I've had time to mull that over in my head it seems to be all I can think about. This is it. This is my last chance. I am so scared right now. I want to say that I trust God through this all, but sometimes I just can't see Him. I just feel so alone. In my heart I know that truth, but isn't it okay to want the feelings too? Please continue praying. I need it now so very much.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

I am praying for you. I love you. It warmed my heart so much to get to see you last Sunday. You are one of those people that just feels like family to me. Even though I can't always see you, know I'm thinking about you.
Love you, Mere

Anonymous said...

Brianna,

I am thinking of you and praying for you. YOU ARE NEVER ALONE! The Lord is with you every step of the way and there are people everywhere who are praying for you. Always remember that! And keep these verses close by so when you are afraid, you can remember that you are not alone.

Psalm 56:3-4 When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid...

Isaiah 12:2 ...I will trust and not be afraid. The LORD, the LORD, is my strength and my song;he has become my salvation.

I will continue to pray for you and your family as you continue with your treatments and your transplant.

Teresa Hollingsworth
Fitzgerald, GA

Anonymous said...

I know you're going through an unimaginably hard time, but for what its worth Breezy, there are many who are with you and thinking of you and praying for you every day. In reality, none of us know what will happen today, tomorrow, next week, but we can only face each day - one day at a time. You are in the best hands there are and we are all thinking that with this transplant comes a new era in your life. We are all praying that the Creator gives you peace and your family strength.
Love, lisa

Anonymous said...

Brianne,
We are praying for you. I can certainly understand how you must feel. We are all in the same boat, in a sense. None of us knows from one minute to the next what the future holds. We can hold onto the fact that God is good and He is always watching over us and walking with us in our troubles. You are loved, Briannicles. Donna Ts.

Anonymous said...

Bri, I can't imagine what it feels like to be in your shoes, but never doubt that you are loved. God is always with you, even when we can't feel him, and he has a plan that will work out for your good. You also have so many people praying for you each day, some that you know and others that you don't. I love you girl, and I hope to see you soon. Danielle

Anonymous said...

Dear Brianne, It's okay to have feelings. I have just finished an amazaing novel, Christian, called The Shack. Get a copy, if you can, and read it. It will forever change your grasp of and appreciation for the peopel of the Trinity. It blasts all the old cliched concepts of God, His heart, and His relationship to his children. I do hope you will read it. If you can't manage to get one, (they are at Barnes and Noble), let me know, and I'll send you one of the copies that will soon be ordered. I jsut want you to have it ASAP to confort and encourage you. We are praying; I awoke at 5:30 with you on my heart. Pops is in NJ for three weeks, helping Rachel.. Love you lots, MS G

Anonymous said...

We continue to pray for you and your family each and every day. We pray for God's Love, Grace and Mercy to be even more real to you. We Love You Very Much!
Mr. Blane & Ms. Barbara