Update

(Joshua posting):

Sorry about the delay - no one really felt like doing this the past few days, so I've been drafted to update the online world.

Bad news - On Friday, the doctors told Brianne that her blood indicated the leukemia still remained and they'd have to give her more chemo and reassess her situation. She was quite upset and came home to Macon for Saturday and Sunday, and we hung out for the weekend and she visited with her friend Leeann. On Monday, they re-admitted her to the hospital and began chemo on Tuesday. She received chemo on Tuesday, Wednesday, and tomorrow (Thursday) will be the last day, with Brianne getting released on Thursday evening or Friday. This round has not been as bad on her as some of the past rounds and she's in better spirits and better physically. We'll have to wait and see till next week what the long/short term plan is; it mostly depends on what her bloodwork says.

The chemo she got this week is part of a clinical trial one of the Doctors here is heading up, and they'll have to check her blood and strength to decide the future: Basically, they have to get her leukemia levels to a very low level AND she has to be physically strong before they can do the transplant - this is almost a conundrum because after she gets chemo, she's very weak and by the time she gets her strength back, the leukemia has come back. During February, when she was on schedule to get her transplant, she was both strong and had very low leukemia levels, but they waited a bit too long to start the transplant and the leukemia came back. They should be able to get the levels low and head towards transplant, it's just that this time, they'll have to be more vigilant and watchful and pull the transplant trigger as soon as possible.

Today (Wednesday) was her Birthday and she was happy and sad. She had some visitors which helped her spirits, but she's still dealing with the anger/frustration and unknown. One thing I was thinking about today is how so much of this process is a trial-and-error ordeal. They put Brianne on one regiment for a while and it works, then it doesn't, so they do something else. Despite our advances in modern medicine, so much of it is limited in what it can accomplish - most importantly, they can't address the spiritual/emotional aspect of this whole ordeal, although Emory does have chaplains and counselors for patients. I'm also struck by the fact that so much is unknown such as: will she be in the hospital next week?, how long till the transplant?, how many more setbacks?, how much more "trial-and-error?", will she still be fighting this in a year, six months, 3 years, etc.?, and the list goes on.
- All of it just drives me to a sense of despair, helplessness, and utter uselessness. I'm nearly constantly reminded of God's sovereignty in all situations AND his immense love for His children: two critically important thing to remember. God is in control and He knows what He's doing, and that gives me comfort although I'm still fearful and scared. The words from the hymn "All must be well" have brought me some comfort over the past few days:

All Must Be Well

1. Through the love of God our Savior, All will be well
Free and changeless is His favor, All is well
Precious is the blood that healed us
Perfect is the grace that sealed us
Strong the hand stretched forth to shield us
All must be well

2. Though we pass through tribulation, All will be well
Ours is such a full salvation, All is well
Happy still in God confiding
Fruitful if in Christ abiding
Steadfast through the Spirit's guiding
All must be well

3. We expect a bright tomorrow; All will be well
Faith can sing through days of sorrow, All is well
On our Father's love relying
Jesus every need supplying
Yes in living or in dying
All must be well

Our situation of "being well" does not depend on how hard we believe or how much work we do, but in how much Christ believed and the work He did - two things which will never change and can never be erased. Our own belief and work collapse like a house of cards in the slightest of breezes, but we have a firm foundation that holds onto US even when we let go and flee, and the shepherd goes looking for the one lost sheep because His love is so deep for that one. We are not well because we have money, power, status, looks, or any other fleeting thing or even because we have uber-faith (or the outward appearance with which we convince others and ourselves of our sincerity), but are only happy when we are with Christ, and it's a happiness/wellness that can't be taken away b/c it's Christ that has done the work, not ourselves. You can listen to a clip of that hymn here (the link is actually to the site for a CD and if you click on song #10, you can hear the song (the rest of them are pretty good too, if you're interested)).

P.S. - Sorry if this blog is too long, but you don't have to read it :)