Good News?

I have good news. Right before I went into the hospital last Monday I had a Bone Marrow Biopsy ("loads of fun," I bled on the resident), and yesterday we got those results back. I am technically in remission! :) We are so excited. If you have been reading and keeping up with this blog you may know that my cancer isn't curable with chemo only. So, we know that the cancer will be returning as it did in the past (unless there is a miracle). But the good news is that, as I continue with chemo, if the cancer stays like it is right now my body is in a perfect place for the transplant. I'm sure there is a better way to say that, but I'm really tired right now, so I guess that will do. :) I'm really happy about the results, but it still sucks that I have to keep doing the chemo. I go very early tomorrow morning to Atlanta to have more chemo and another doctors appointment. Thanks so much for your continuing support and prayers. Happy Christmas!!!!

My Rickman Reservoir

Sick and Tired

It's Friday December 14th and Bri has been at Emory five days now. She is very nauseated and just plain ole sick. She talked her PA into talking her Dr. into letting her out early so.....she will be able to go home tonight! She had a few days of feeling very lonely, angry and depressed but she is coming out of it now (A season for everything). We have a good couple of weeks ahead of us with all the family at home and the celebration of "Festivus".
We have some meetings next week and will hopefully know more regarding plans for transplant. I forgot to let everyone know that we found a kind soul in the Indian Health Service, a Dr. who is supportive, now if we can policy makers to comply we may get a little help. The decision is in the process with a few more decisions to follow. Mercy and Grace is what we need.
Great songs that have been encouraging us lately Rich Mullins "Hold Me Jesus" and "Ready for the Storm". Take a listen as they are comforting.
Until later..... Bless You

Back from NC

On Saturday my oldest brother Christopher and I returned from our hometown of Sylva NC. I spent the week with Chris in Western North Carolina trying to take care of some business with contract health at Indian Health Services in Cherokee. It was frustrating to say the least. On Wednesday night we went to First Pres. (my church) for family night supper and prayer. It was so wonderful to see all of my church family and my dearest friends (minus a few). Then on Thursday we were back in Cherokee for my doctor apt. After that we went to dinner with Lisa Lefler (our god-mother) at Nick and Nate's. If you have never been there, you are truly missing out on wonderful pizza. We had the Nanatahala!!! Yummm. After putting up with me for several days Chris finally collapsed. :) Poor kid, he had been fighting an ear infection and sore throat all week. So Friday we spent chillin' out at Diane's house watching a Monk marathon. Then we went out to 553 in downtown Sylva for dinner with James, Judy, Eric, Bryan, and Amanda. I wish Donna and Katherine could have come. :( We all listened to Jeff and Micheal's gig. They were awesome by the way. :) All in all I had such a wonderful time. I miss my family up there so much. Chris and I came back to Georgia on Saturday afternoon. I had a great weekend at home with my family. But I had to prepare for another week in Emory. On Monday morning I was scheduled for a bone marrow biopsy (which was preformed by some intern/resident who didn't know what he was doing, he was being supervised, but still...it was soooo painful) and then I was to be admitted back into 6E. So, here I am. Back at the hospital for the 2A round of my Hyper-CVAD chemo treatment. My mom spent the night with me last night and is spending today with me. :) It is nice so I'm not so lonely. If you get the urge give me a call I'll be here until about Saturday morning. Then I'll be home for Christmas!!!! :) I can't wait. Thanks again for your prayers and support. Happy Christmas!

The Looooooonnnnggg Day

This is Brenda, Bri's Mom

Tuesday began for Bri and Chris at 5:30 am traveling to Emory for doctors appt's, lab, staple removal, blood transfusion and medical records. They left Winship Cancer center at 5:45 pm. A long twelve hour day at the clinic and then they drove to Cherokee, NC to take care of the needed requests for medical assistance from the tribe. Chris and Bri got to NC around 9:30 pm and needless to say they were exhausted. Bri feels better today after getting blood and platelets. She had to get five units with one week! No wonder she was tired.
In addition to the medical needs and doctors appt. in Cherokee other business matters needed to addressing. We are working towards efforts in assembling support from her Wal Mart group. We have so much work ahead and lots of appeal writing in addition to fund raising (we will discuss more later). We do need special prayer for favor!
Today we participated in a teleconference call re: Step One, Bone marrow/stem cell transplant. It was informative and is helping us to prepare for transplant. More will be coming up and again we have lots to do!
Thank goodness for my family. Chris, Joshua and Dallas have been so very helpful and supportive on a daily basis. We could not and cannot do all this without them.
We go back in to the hospital Monday the 10th for a week of treatment and get to be home for Christmas. Brianne and Chris should be back from NC late Friday. They will need a weekend of rest. Take care everyone and thanks again for the prayers.

To understand the imposible.

Over the years I think I've become a writer. As much as I don't know about grammar and spelling, words and ideas fascinate me. Having the ability to pen out what I feel and having the capability to express myself with words is the best relief I could ever ask for. These past two months have been so incredibly impossible to understand. I haven't ever felt so numb and incapable of truly expressing myself. I have been able to get on here and tell cyberland that the doctors have said this and I am staying positive and that this treatment is doing this. But it all seems so surreal. There are times during the day when I don't feel sick. I sit and things feel normal. I don't have pain, I don't feel like I'm going to loose my lunch, and I don't feel lost or confused. But then those moments slip by and I return to the impossible. I don't understand. I want so much to understand. The doctors give me what they call a road map of my treatment. It outlines the plans for when and what drugs I'll be receiving and for how long and how much. Anyway, I wish that there was a road map for how to deal with this situation. I began thinking about how best I knew to cope. In the past I've run to substances or even people to escape dealing with the problems at hand. I'd loose myself in doing something, work, school (well maybe not class work, but I'd go to class and sit :), even creating projects for myself just so I wouldn't have to face the music. With this I can't run. I can't go to work and forget about it. There isn't an escape. I have a constant reminder that something in my body is trying to hurt me. I try to put on a brave face. But now I have no faces left. I've run out of excuses and I have to accept that I must go through this. It is the hardest thing I've ever had to do or deal with. The awsome thing is that God makes the imposible posible. My brother Joshua told me this a long time ago when I was facing some things, that at that time, I didn't think I was going to make it; "People say God will never give you more than you can handle. And that is only partly true. God will never give you more than you can handle with Him." I just need to remember the "with Him" part. Please keep praying. The chemo, meds, and just this disease in general are really taking a toll on me.

Information Please

Greetings, This is Brenda-Bri's Mom.

I will now make an attempt to encapsulate all the information and updates we have received over the past two weeks. I tend to be wordy so this will not be an easy task. Hold on, here we go. We had our first pre-evaluation meeting with the bone marrow transplant (BMT) team on Nov. 15th. When I say "we" I mean the whole tribe (Bri, Chris, Josh, Dallas, G-ma, Calvin and myself) attended. I think we shocked the medical staff by all of us being present for the meeting. We met with Dr. Edmund Waller, one of the best and highly respected transplant doctors/researchers in the eastern US. We are privileged/blessed to have him treating our Beez as he seemed to take a special interest in her. He spent a great deal of time with us educating us regarding leukemia, types and most specifically the chromosome abnormality. I could go into great detail however let me summarize by saying that her leukemia is not curative with chemo alone, in fact it is fatal due to this chromosome abnormality and its replicating tendency. Hearing the words fatal was frightening. We all maintained composure but internally we were shattered at the very thought of fatality. We put every emotion on hold in order to gather and assimilate all the details of the doctors recommendations. We, as did Dr. Waller, focused on the curative prospect. He explained that Bri's only curative treatment option is transplant. When discussing the risks and benefits he said BMT has a success rate of approximately 2 out of 3. Dr. Waller told us he received some good news from the bone marrow bank regarding 3 very good donor matches. We were all delightfully surprised as we were told of the difficulty in finding matches for minority populations. There is quite alot entailed in this process and we will be getting a great deal of information and preparation in the weeks and months ahead.

After all our questions were answered regarding all the why's, wherefores and medical necessity we moved on to finances. One of our biggest concerns was insurance coverage. Although Bri has insurance through Walmart (BC/BS) her policy will not cover Bone Marrow transplants until the policy has been in effect for one year. Bri's year is not until May 15, 2008. We discussed this with Dr. Waller and questioned if she could continue her HyperC-Vac regime until then, he said she cannot wait until then and he wants to proceed considering her status. We shared our concerns for coverage and he assured us that he and the Emory team are committed to treating Bri regardless of ability to pay. We will be working with a financial coordinator to assist in applying for resources. We have two big areas to address and petition. 1. The insurance company; transplants are the only area where coverage is delayed for a year and we want to appeal this. 2. Indian Health Service and Tribal medical benefits; medical care for enrolled tribal members is a treatied entitlement. However, more regulatory restrictions have limited benefits to members living within a six county area surrounding reservations. Meaning Bri is not eligible for benefits. We will be appealing and advocating for eligibility and the supplemental assistance she is entitled to receive. We will be doing alot of work and I ask for prayers regarding favor. Dr. Waller wants to aim for transplant in mid January or first of February.

We were told that we will have to live in Atlanta post-transplant for a minimum of three months due to intensity of follow up and necessity of close proximity to her medical care. Our needs will be great and we are already planning who will do what, when, how. We may be doing some fund raising to help with all the expenses. We are applying for some assistance and we have received a few financial gifts from some family/ friends which has been greatly appreciated and very much needed. We do have friends working on ideas/ie: cell phone donations, golf tournament for fundraising ideas. If you have an idea to share please pass it along. Again, prayers are needful. She has prescription coverage however our 30% co-pay for one of her home injections is $750.00 for an eight day supply. Thankfully we only have to buy that once a month and we are applying for help with that too.

I will try much harder to keep things flowing in terms of information. I am asking any of you who know someone who knows Bri to please pass along this blog address. It is at this time that a resource network is much needed. Any help, tips, info etc. would be appreciated.

Brianne is feeling better today and will probably post soon. As you may know we were at the hospital last week for course 2 of HyperC-vac treatment and the reservoir placement in her brain. This round was very tough and she was very sick. We go back to Atlanta Friday for transfusion, platelets and then one week later back into the hospital for bone marrow biopsy and another week of in-patient treatment. We thank God for the good days and are learning how to be thankful for the bad days too.

Thank you friends for your love, support and prayers.

Hurting

Hello everyone, this is Brenda, Bri's mom.

I will post a medical update later but for now I wanted to let everyone know that Bri has been very sick with this chemo treatment. It is round 2 which includes high levels of methotrexate and cytrabarine. Sick and tired is how Bri has been feeling. She came home late Friday and is trying to get back in to her new normal. She has felt very down this time physically and emotionally and is hurting from the reality, the medication, the fears and the "whats ahead". She wanted everyone to know that she has not felt like talking right now but will follow up as soon as she can. We have lots ahead as far as treatment and preparation and will need your continued prayers and support.
Thank you for being there and sending your encouraging words.

Hospital for Chemo and Reservoir - Happy Thanksgiving

Hello all - this is Joshua making my first post.

I've been here at the hospital since Monday with Brianne and we'll be breaking out on either Friday or Saturday. She's been having chemo all week and is holding up. On Monday, they performed surgery to put in the reservoir which went well, and she was groggy and slept most of the rest of the day. On Tuesday, she was a bit more alert, but threw up her lunch after having a procedure where they shot chemo straight into here brain using the new reservoir. She then slept the rest of the day and was out of it. We would be sitting there watching tv or something and she'd space out for a few minutes. It's been like that most of the week.

We've been walking around the floor some and she was able to hold down a little food on Wednesday, but hasn't eaten anything yet today (she's been a bit sick and Mom is coming in later this afternoon, bringing something good to eat). The McManuses came by on Wednesday which she really enjoyed. It's been really weird being here this week as this has been my first stay with Brianne in the hospital while she receives chemo. Most of the day is spent getting water, walking her to the bathroom, calling the nurses, talking to the nurses, alerting the nurses about the machines beeping, and a lot of sitting around. Brianne hasn't been sleeping well due to the nurses coming in an out at night and is very nauseous from the chemo and brain surgery. She seems to be getting better, as she has more times when we interact and watch tv or talk, but the chemo and multiple other medicines take a toll on her. Brianne having chemo is worlds different from Brianne at home.

We should be going home soon which will be nice, but I'll be heading back to Jackson this weekend. Keep praying for Brianne that she'll handle the treatments well and remain strong. Also pray for her attitude, as she gets worried, nervous, and scared. Joshua Signing off.

Tough Times

Beez goes in the hospital for her surgery tomorrow morning for placement of Ommaya reservoir ,http://patienteducation.upmc.com/Pdf/OmmayaReservoir.pdf. She will in the hospital for a week of chemo treatments beginning her 2nd round. Joshua is home for Thanksgiving and will be staying with her at the hospital this week. We had a wonderful pre-Thanksgiving celebration this weekend with our family even though it was intertwined with Dr. visits and pre-op meetings. We have a clearer update to give everyone regarding our meeting with the bone marrow transplant specialist and will do so in a day or two. We had some really good news and some really sobering realities. We are coping, and being sustained by Gods grace and tender mercies. We all hurt for Beez having to go through this and we thank you for for the prayers and expressions of love. She is holding on but still hurts physically and emotionally at times. Please add our traveling prayers to your list as Christopher travels weekly back and forth from Birmingham, Joshua back to MS next week and of course Beez and I a couple times a week to Atlanta. A million thanks and blessings be returned to you all.
Brenda

A Real Update

First I want to say sorry for not keeping everyone up to date on what is going on over the past few days. Things have been insane traveling back and forth from Macon to Atlanta. When I was released from the hospital a couple of weeks ago I knew that the rest of this new course was going to be different. I found out quickly how hard. I have spent the last several days very sick, very tired, and very frustrated. My medications have been making me feel crazy and out of control. I don't quite feel like myself anymore. My mind seems just a little behind the rest of what is going on. I call it chemo-brain and hopefully it will pass. On Monday I have surgery. The doctors are putting a resevior in my head. This is so the doctors won't have to keep doing lumbar punctures. I will be in the hospital from the 19th through the next 5-6 days following. My surgery will be on Monday morning and my chemo will start that night. I am going tomorrow to Emory with my family to meet with the Bone Marrow Transplant team, Friday pre-op and then I'll be spending the weekend having Thanksgiving fun with the family. Will share more information after our meeting with the bone marrow transplant specialist.

Nothing to do with cancer.

There are some days that just make you want to write. The weather is set, the circumstance is presented, and then it comes- inspiration. Today was not that day. I mulled about doing this then that and nothing. I have this overpowering desire to write something beautiful, something full of meaning, but I just don't feel like I have anything of importance to say. How frustrating. Maybe I'm doomed to spend my days filling pages with paragraphs of nonsense and blah blahs with bits of poetry and cliches' stuck in-between. If you have any ideas for me to ponder and butcher or maybe to pontificate upon please send them my way. Muse speak to me. Some one please "a-muse" me. Teeheehee.

Hard Days

I'm sorry I haven't posted in a few days. When I came home on Saturday I wasn't feeling well at all. I had been totally wiped out from the new chemo. Sunday morning I spent very sick to my stomach and just feeling puny. By the afternoon though I began to feel much better. This morning mom took me out to the mall to walk around and get a change of scenery. Monday mornings are a great time to go to the mall by the way, no one is there. :) But just as I was paying for something I got a nosebleed. Never a good thing. I had been having some bleeding since last night, but then with the nosebleed we had to call the doctor. I was really upset because I know that if lab results came back saying my platelets were low I was going to have to be admitted again for another transfusion. I spent all afternoon sitting and waiting. The crazy thing is that this is going to be my new normal. The labs did come back okay so the doctor at Emory said I just may need to come back to the clinic a day early. I have an appointment on Wednesday, but they said they may want to see me tomorrow. I feel puny now, tired and just frustrated because I have absolutely no control over what my blood is doing. Oh , well. Keep praying please. Things are really hard right now. The new chemo is very hard and is making me very sick. I love you all. God bless.

Going Home Again

Well, after spending an exhausting week in the hospital I get to go home. I found out this week what my new chemo is going to look like. It's going to be hard. The beginning of the week was okay, but towards the end I began to feel sick often. I will be back in the hospital around turkey day. Woo hoo. Hospital Thanksgiving Food!!! I can't wait. :) Thanks for your prayers. I will probably post again today when I get home. When I can sit down and sort out my head. I'll give some more detailed information about what is going to be going on with the new treatment program. TTFN.

Just the Facts

Just a few fill ins for everyone. The Dr. called Brianne Thursday evening with the treatment teams recommendation. She begins the new treatment protocol this Monday at the hospital, Emory, and will be inpatient for a week depending on healthy she remains. The change in treatment protocol is due to a 1% level of leukemic cells remaining in her bone marrow. Although 1% sounds good, it is relative due to many other factors, most importantly it is not where she should or had expected for her to be at this point due to the type of previous aggressive treatment. The main factor that must be considered and is directing treatment has to do with her chromosome 11 abnormality which indicates her being at high risk for the leukemia replicating and returning. Therefore, the doctor/team says it is in her best interest to begin preparation for bone marrow transplant. This is a very lengthy and involved treatment and will involve several months preparing. We do not have details at this time and have many more questions than we have information to share. As we find out more during the weeks to come we will provide more information. We know we will have more frequent hospital stays and outpatient travelling through the weeks ahead. Again, will know more later and share what we know.

What we do know. Fact #1 "Brianne is His workmanship created for good things in Christ" Fact#2 the chromosome 11 abnormality is no surprise to the Creator and Redeemer and Healer of ALL things. (the pun very much intended) Fact#3 "Thus says the Lord who created you who formed you: Be not afraid, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I-AM the Lord your God…You are precious in my sight, and honored, and I love you… Be not afraid, for I am with you… Isaiah 43

I have found comfort in many scriptures but ran across this truth yesterday and was brought again to a place of peace within. "Not grace to bar what is not bliss, Nor flight from all distress, but this, The grace that orders our trouble and pain and then in the darkness is there to sustain. Grace is secure. And no failure or suffering or struggle, darkness or trouble can keep us from God's secure grace. It remains. It endures. And by grace we are kept. By grace, and grace alone... (J. Piper)

Thank You seems such an inadequate word to convey our appreciation for the love and prayers shown to us but please know how grateful and thankful we are for all of you being a part of our lives.

With Sincere Thanks, Brenda and the Indians

Certain

I'm sure now. I'm sure that I don't understand why God allows somethings to happen. I am sure that God will sustain me through this and through the rest of my life. I am sure that there is a reason for this battle. I got the call from the doctor. I will have to return to Emory for another stay in the hospital. This time will only be for 5-7 days (depending on my cell counts). The doctors have been running tests and doing studies and have found an abnormality in my 11th chromosome which puts me in a high risk bracket for my type of leukemia. Translation: that even if the chemo knocks out the cancer this time around (which it didn't do with this last treatment protocol) the chances of the leukemia returning are at a much higher percentile. I will be undergoing a bone marrow transplant. On Monday afternoon I will return to Emory in Atlanta for a short stay (hopefully) to begin a new chemo treatment regimen. I will be spending the majority of those days hooked up to an IV receiving continual chemo medications. I'm NOT looking forward to this. As I will not be at the hospital for long I shouldn't receive mail there. My Macon address is still the primary. I will post my bedside number when I get it, but ask for no calls before 9am and after 8 pm. With this bout of chemo, I am going in not as strong as the last time, so I am anticipating some illness. This treatment will be much harder than the last as it is much stronger. So I am asking for continued prayers of strength and wellness. After I am released I will be coming back to Macon and then the doctors anticipate that I will only have to return to Emory twice a week for my out-patient treatment. This out-patient treatment will be done in two cycles, an A-cycle and a B-cycle for 21 days each. This will be preparing my body for the transplant. Please pray for possible donors, matches, and for God's will to be done, shown, and understood in this situation. Thanks so much for everything. I love you all. And miss you all. Please feel free to email me at any time.

Uncertain

Well, I went to see the doctor Tuesday. And I still don't have any more answers today than I had last week. We are unsure of what the next move in my treatment will be. The doctors have said that I am still showing active leukemia cells in my body and with that in mind, I am going to have to come off of this particular study and protocol for treatment. As it is not in my best interest to continue with just chemo, they are saying that I most likely will be looking at a bone marrow transplant. I'm not excited about this possibility. But as I stated earlier, we are still really unsure of what the next move is since we are waiting back on some more test results. We should be getting those answers today... So please keep praying. I've been feeling very lost and uncertain about where God is taking me and how all of this is going to work out. Physically, I really think the medicines are catching up with me. I'm very very tired often and in some pain, but I press on. I often don't really feel like myself, just kind of lost and confused and discombobulated. When we hear from the doctors there will be a full report and what the next move will be. Many of you have asked about being tested to see if you are a possible match to be a donor. I don't know how you get tested, but I am going to find out. And will post those answers here as soon as I know. Thanks to all of you and I love you and miss you.

Tuesday is the day

This weekend has been so full. My entire family has been here all weekend. Both brothers, the grandmother, the Tyler, the mother, the sister-in-law, the step-dad, and the sicky. Full house. It has been wonderful. It has also been stressful. I went to Atlanta on Thursday and had all those wonderful procedures done that I've learned to just love (NOT). I have an appointment Tuesday with the doctor to discuss my treatment options based on the results from my biopsy. I also have chemo scheduled for that day, so needless to say I'm excited. HA! So, Tuesday is the day. Be praying for amazing things Tuesday. I am.

Bad Day

Today has been a not so good day. I had an appointment in Atlanta this morning at 8:30 am. Gross. First I went to the lab for blood tests. My blood counts were very good. The doctor was very pleased. Then on to see the doctor. It was a quick visit, but she cleared me and said I look great. Then the hard part came. I knew that I was going to be having chemo today and a bone marrow biopsy, but they surprised me with a spinal tap/lumbar puncture. My spinal fluid was clear which is what you want. :) When they did my biopsy they had to pull several times so I am in quite a lot of pain. I am going to be spending my afternoon and evening being a baby. :) I'm very excited because my entire family will be here in Macon with me this weekend. I can't wait to see them all. I have another appointment in Atlanta on Tuesday morning. I will be meeting with my doctor and his P.A. to work out my treatment plan. We thought we would have that today, but we have to wait on the results from the biopsy. So be praying for good things in my marrow. The harder it is for them to see the cancer cells the better. :)

At home?

Today is Tuesday (even though technically it is Wednesday). I have been "home" a total of two days and it is wonderful. I love being with my family. As many of you have read in previous posts, I have been living in North Carolina for the past year in the small town I had moved to Georgia from many years ago. Sylva. Since I need help with many different areas of my care (my family would say I just need help, period), it behooved me to "move" back to Macon Georgia and live with my family. I am still contact-able. The address here is 539 Moss Hill Drive Macon GA 31204. Also, I check my email hourly (really I do). I would prefer not to have tons of calls right now. I am tired often and I do not answer my phone if I don't recognize the number. This new transition is going to be very hard. I am a very hard person to live with, even before the illness. Your prayers for me and my family have been so important. I am living with my mother, little brother, and grandmother. I am going to be well looked after. :) On Thursday I will be returning to Atlanta to start my out-patient treatment. I have to be in Atlanta by 8 am for labs, chemo, and a bone marrow biopsy. Pray for strength through another biopsy. Thank you so much for all the wonderful cards, messages, emails, calls, prayers, and thoughts, they keep my attitude positive and that helps me stay strong. I love you all.

Home

I'm going home!! The doctors are letting me go home today!! I am so excited. I am feeling great and everything looks good.

Coming Home

I just wanted to let everyone know that the doctors are sending me home this week. :) I am so happy. I can't wait to get home. Maybe I'll be able to sleep and actually rest. LoL!!! They haven't said exactly what day, but I do know by Thursday at the latest. I have my first clinic visit Thursday. They will be checking my blood counts to determine the send off date. My red blood cell count is high- yay! My platelets are stable- yay! But my white blood cell count has plateaued- eeek! So, focus thoughts and prayers on a raised white blood cell count. I really need them to fight off infection as I transfer back into the "real" world. I'm gonna be one of those funny people at Wal-Mart with a blue mask on and gloves!!!! :) I can't express how much it has meant to me to receive positive feedback here and in all the wonderful notes, cards, and letters in my room. I love you all. And I will continue to post here as I move back home. The doctors will be drawing up a treatment plan based on my next bone marrow biopsy. This plan will tell me how many times a week I'll have to go to the clinic for out-patient chemo. The thought is about 3-4 times a week, but we still aren't positive. Thanks again for all of ya'lls support and love.

Long Days, Short Nights

I'm sorry I haven't posted in a few days. Even though I only have IV chemo once a week, I get loads of pills daily and they are really building up in my system. I've not been feeling well these past few days. The doctors say that it is normal with the steroids, and many different chemicals that I'll be sore and sick. It's expected. The doctor spoke with me today about my blood counts and they are all up. Good news. So, even though I don't FEEL good, my body is fighting back. :) Today I received my last in-patient chemo treatment. Next week I'll have a bone marrow biopsy on Thursday and then we will be looking at breaking out! The doctors say that I maybe out as early as next weekend. So maybe only one more week. I'll keep you posted as to the exact date, but it is coming. I can't wait. I've been in the hospital about a month and that is a long time. Ahhh! Thanks for keeping me in your prayers.

Good Days

As the treatment continues I'm really starting to appreciate days like today. I woke up this morning with only a little bit of "sickness." After waking up, I walked around the unit for about 45 mins. It was so nice to get up and move around. As time moves on and the medicines build up in my system, I can really tell how they affect my body. My joints ache constantly and inside my bones are very sensitive and weak. The doctors say it is a combination between the steroids building up in my system and my marrow trying to rejuvenate itself. So, yay for the pain. My body is trying to fix itself. That is good news! The doctors have moved me to increased precautions with contact and having visitors. You must now check in with the nurses before coming to my room. It is for my protection. So I'm just reminding everyone that it might be best to call before popping in for a visit. I love having visitors, but as things are moving on, it is getting harder on me to have so much activity. I find that just doing daily things make me tired and in pain. I do appreciate all the love, prayers, and encouraging thoughts that I receive here daily. I can't wait until the doctors release me and I can come and visit with all you wonderful and faithful friends. If you like you can call my bedside anytime before 9 pm. (I try to get into bed by then) I am always awake by 8 am (I have no choice...the techs start making their rounds. :). All of my contact info is listed here on the site. Thank you again for your prayers. I really can use them at this time. The shock has started to wear off and now the reality of what is going on is starting to set in. I am becoming more and more aware of the fight I have ahead of me. I will press on. Please keep praying for strength and faith. I love you all so much. And thank you for standing with me in this hard time.

Friday

Tonight's post will be short. I have been in a lot of pain today as a result of the biopsy yesterday. Also the chemo drugs have caused me to feel sick to my stomach. Yuck. I am adding the pictures from yesterday. My mom shaved my head for me. I hope that they bring a smile to your face. :)

Today

Today was a tough day. It was very nice though that my mom was able to be here with me all afternoon. I'm already feeling the effects of the chemo treatment. Tired, yucky, and sick to my stomach, but I'm encouraged because the doctors say that my body is accepting all the drugs very well. The doctors did not have to preform a lumbar puncture today. Good news. :) And the biopsy went "smoothly." Thank you for your prayers. I really felt them today. Oh, ps. I'm bald now.

Day 18

Today makes day 18 at Emory University Hospital. After spending this much time in one room you would think I would be tired. Well, I am. Haha. At this point in treatment the best way to describe how I feel is tired. The medicine is building up in my system and is really starting to affect me. Tomorrow will be another big day. I have a bone marrow biopsy, spinal tap/ lumbar puncture, and IV chemo. Today I'm just spending resting. My mom did get to come up yesterday and today! :) My stepdad also made a surprise visit along with Ronnie and Tommy Dampier. Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. Miss you all.

Nonsense

I have the pleasure of possessing an active imagination. After spending weeks in a single room can your imagination be asked to remain still and quiet? Mine will certainly not. I keep rolling over and over in my mind the past weeks events and how they came to be. After spending time on the phone talking with many friends and loved ones, I've decided to document my feelings and multiple responses to this life changing news. One question that seems to be reoccurring is what did you first think when the doctors said it was leukemia? To be honest I don't know. I received the diagnosis on Friday, but it was really on Thursday that I think I knew. When they said that they would have to test for leukemia I just sort of knew that is what it was. I wasn't scared, confused, or even angry. I was very okay with it. Looking back that is how I would have wanted it to go. What can you do really? Say no thanks I'll take something else. I had a problem set before me and instead of shirking it off, I accepted. My life has always been full of some kind of drama or another. It would be a shame now, if just because I'm confined to four walls, should that change. With lunacy running high in my family I easily became the cherry on the top. I never wished for some trauma to run my life a muck, but I would be lying not to say that traumatic experiences highlight the lives of those who I admire and call great. I am, for lack of a better expression, excited about the changes this disease will and had brought into my life. For one thing, I have lost weight. I know that is shallow and pathetic, but it makes me smile. For anyone who truly knows me, they know that my self image is less than sterling. Over the past week I've lost a total of 8lbs and 6 oz. (A baby) Also, in the area of losing things, my hair has decided that a vacation is long overdue. I was combing it out and when I say out. I mean ....out. I huge chunk fell to the sink. I cried. But then, all of a sudden I was okay with it. It all became so clear. Then medicine wasn't just pills anymore. The chemo wasn't just fluid anymore. The pain wasn't just temporary anymore. The climax had come and it was real. It was at that moment that I was angry. That moment when confusion had decided to fall. It was at that moment that I was scared that I couldn't do this. I got into the shower and cried. All I wanted at that moment was someone to hold me. Someone to tell me that I was going to be okay. No one was here. My family was in Macon, Birmingham, and Jackson. My friends were taking care of their responsibilities and I was alone. I felt sorry for myself. I was alone and by what I could tell, no one really cared. As I got out of the shower, still crying, it hit me. I am not alone. How could I have ever forgotten? How could I have not known to run into God's hands? After spewing off rhetoric about knowing God has a plan for all this, how could I be so blind? Just like in a movie, I crawled into my bed, wet hair and all, pulled the covers tight up to my chin, and I cried into God's arms. No day is like the one before it even though the same things happen everyday.

Big Brother to the Rescue

Greetings everyone, I am posting for Brianne as she is tired, not feeling well today and without a computer for a few days. I have been unable to see my Beez as I have had a terribly nagging cold/sinus infection for a week now. Due to the immuno-suppressed systems of the leukemia patients, I am not allowed to visit. It has been very difficult not being with Brianne but, she has had numerous emails, calls and dear friends visit this week. Thankfully, Christopher (Big Brother) was able to leave UAB Wednesday and stayed with Beez at the hospital. I was very thankful he could be with Brianne as Thursday another lumbar/spinal tap with chemo was scheduled. She was also surprised with the announcement of needing to perform another bone marrow biopsy. This one ended up being much more painful than the others, probably due to a weakened system. Christopher said she did remarkably well as he watched the painful procedure in supportive empathy. We should have some results next week and information on her ALL subtype.
We have had a few very encouraging reports to share. Today, during the biopsy they were able to aspirate some fluid from her bone marrow. That is an improvement as in the previous biopsies they were unable to aspirate fluid (due to numerous and tightly packed cancer cells). The spinal fluid was clear and that is a very good sign. Also, her doctor said they have been watching her cells and see a decrease in the cancer cells, so the chemo is doing it's work.
Brianne has had several good days but since Thursdays events and a double chemo treatment she was very tired, achy, weak and nauseated today. She will get a few days break from chemo and punctures for the time being. One week down, two more to go with the inpatient treatment. The prayers from everyone are evident and carrying us through with constant hope. I am overwhelmingly amazed at the supernatural peace that has kept me grounded. Due to our humanness, questions occasionally loom but I always end up resting in the promises of a Faithful Father.
Brianne has really enjoyed getting mail at the hospital so I am giving you the contact information again.
The number to call at her bedside is 404-712-3615. Her mailing address is Brianne Tsavatewa room 615E c/o Emory Hospital 1364 Clifton Rd. NE Atlanta, Ga 30322.
Thanks again everyone for your prayers, love and support.
Brenda Tsavatewa-Lester

Wednesday 9/26

Dr. Heffner came by this morning and spoke with me about how well I'm responding to treatment. I have been on fluids 24 hours a day for the past week to flush out my kidneys. The doctor says I can now come off of them. YES!! I'll be "free." Tomorrow I have another chemo treatment and a lumbar puncture. Woo, can't wait. Tomorrow will be a hard one so please keep me in your prayers.

Week 3 Has Officially Started

It is amazing how much can change in such a short period of time. Three weeks ago I was making plans for the Halloween costume contest at work, and now I'm making plans on when I'm going to receive blood. It has been hard to be completely honest with my feelings about this whole situation. Sitting around the hospital is giving me time to think. I haven't ever given myself time to learn how to just be. I am always running around, working, schooling, or just doing something to occupy my time. I've come to realize that I don't know how to be alone with myself. I get antsy and bored after 10 mins of alone time. What kind of life is that? (Rhetorical question) There is this theme that keeps coming to mind. That God is working now more on what going on in my heart than my body. I made this revelation. It isn't so much that I'm afraid to be who I am. It is that I don't really know who I am. So, I'm searching. What a way to start, eh? There will be more to come I'm sure. I still have 3 more weeks of this. :) If anyone is just itching to send something...I don't have any music. For those of you who know me best, you know that I can't live without music. Send me a link to a great song on youtube or a link to a great song on itunes... I miss you all. I love you all. And thank you for being there for me.

Monday 9/24

The doctors are saying good things about how I'm responding to treatment. They say that my body is accepting the chemo well, and it's working. I am still going to have to stay for the long haul, but at least I have some good news. :) I am tired often. The medicine that I'm on I guess is making me tired. Oh, well. It is a small price to pay. Tonight will be short and sweet. I am really in need of some good rest. Hopefully tonight I will get that. I love you all. Thank you for keeping me in your prayers.

A Post for You

Today I had another chemo treatment. As I was scanning through reading some of what I have written and the comments posted I was overwhelmed. I was overwhelmed with the thoughts and prayers that you all have so selflessly given to me. This time in my life is trying and everyday there seems to be a new struggle, but never once have I had to doubt that I was loved. Never once have I had to doubt that someone out there (in the vast world of cyberland) was praying for me. Today I just wanted to thank you all for your love, support, and prayers. I have bad days. Today isn't so great, but I can rest in knowing that there are only so many hours in day. Tomorrow will be new and different. This post is for you. A virtual toast to your wonderful and kind thoughts. Thank you.

Today makes Four or a Week

Even though today is only the fourth day in the intense chemo regimen I'm on, it makes a full seven days that I've spent at Emory University Hospital. Already I'm getting antsy and fidgety. I still have at least another three weeks here and I'm not really sure how I'm going to fill my time. This blog has proved to be very helpful indeed. Yesterday I was kind of in a funk and that funk hasn't really lifted yet. Today I had several visitors. Liz, Ashley, Tim, and Bo were all here checking out the invalid making sure that I hadn't jumped ship yet. Also, I had a very pleasant surprise when an old high school buddy, George. It is nice to have visitors but at about 4 pm and everyone had cleared out (with the exception of Bo) I passed out. I couldn't believe how tired I was. It was so nice just to sleep for an entire hour without interruption. See, I don't think most people realize how hard it is to actually sleep in a hospital. Between being hooked up to fluids that make you pee every 15 mins., getting your vitals checked, and having doctors and nurses looking down your ears, nose, and throat it is impossible to rest. Well, I'm really tired. So I think that will be all for tonight.

Another day turns to Three

After spending all day doing nothing I've realized something my mom has been telling me forever. I don't know how to be alone. This time alone has been really good for me. Most of my prayer life has consisted of me just talking to God. Today I spent about 45 mins. just sitting and listening or trying to listen. I know 45 mins. doesn't seem like a long time, but for someone like me who is always going, doing, and then going some more it was. I also spent some time with a minister who works here at the hospital. It is always so cool to me how you can not know some one but if you are both Christians you have this automatic connection, then of course I've never met a stranger. LoL. I didn't have anything on the schedule for today except take an obscene number of pills. So I navigated over to Yahoo!Music. I love music. I'm sure that some one got a great show today. I had my blinds up and I was breakin' it down in my hospital room. Snap Yo Finger feat. E40 and Sean Paul by Lil' John, Umbrella by Rihanna, Pop Lock and Drop it by Huey, A Bay Bay by Hurricane Chris just to name a few. I think that when I get out of the hospital I'm going to take a dance class. :) Today was a little rough though. I had quite a bit of nausea. I can tell this is going to be hard. Please keep me in your prayers. I really appreciate all the response I've been getting. I love and miss all of ya'll. I am so excited though about how this story is going to end. As many of you know me well, you know that it is just like me to go all out. I don't ever do something half ass (woops :). I thank God for all of ya'll. Good Night!

Day Two Comes to an End

It is about 5 pm and still no chemo. Since the main drug in my chemo is a steroid and it is so late in the day, I'll most likely be up most of the night. (I hope somewhere there is a Will and Grace marathon). Today has been pretty uneventful which has been wonderful. The pharmacist was up here talking with me this afternoon about all the drugs I will be on, the side effects, and then all the drugs all be on to counter act the side effects of the other drugs. I can't wait for my body to become a human chemistry project. :) I did get pretty bored today. It is hard sometimes being here because my room looks so much like a hospital room. My mom and my brother Christopher bought me two posters, one of David Beckham and one of a boat on some beautiful water with a neat quote. "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away." I do however have a great view. When I look out my window I can see all these beautiful trees and the skyline of Atlanta. It is really pretty. There is also a soccer field right outside my window, it's nice. Well, I'm getting sleepy. There will be more tomorrow.

Today was the first

Today was the first day of chemo, though tomorrow it really becomes hard core. I started my fight with a L.P. (Lumbar Puncture) and then the doctor inserted a shot of chemo into my spine. One of the most painful things I've ever had to go through (almost as bad as a bone marrow biopsy). I'm kind of at a loss as what to tell everyone. I've been so caught up in going and taking action that my emotions have taken a back seat. It seems that everyday I have some new procedure to do. One day it is an e.k.g and then getting two units of whole blood and then the next it is getting platelets and chemo. Everyday is different and tiring. The one thing that seems to remain constant is that I have a very hard time sleeping. I don't know if it is the stress of all the sudden changes, or the new environment, but something is keeping me awake at night. I have been able to use this time though to connect with God. I find myself tossing and turning as if my physical body is imitating the struggle I'm going through with God. All of the age old questions are there; why this, why now, why me? I have a firm belief that God has a plan for everything. I hold tight to that every time I doubt His divine purpose. I don't want to sound preachy or cliche', but truth is steadfast. My brother gave me this example which really helped me out. See, life is like a quilt. While we are on earth we see what's underneath, the criss-crosses, the back-stitches, and the mistakes. But when we get to Heaven, we see what God sees- a beautiful complete work of art. And right now this disease may look to me like a double-cross-back-stitch, but I can't wait to see what design God has just brought me into. I've spent the last ten months cleaning up, growing up, and moving closer to God. I thought that life would be peaches after I had a year clean. I would be "a mature adult." More now then ever before have I been able to see God preparing me for this battle. I have the hope to persevere, I have the wisdom to cry out for help, and I have the faith that Christ has not brought me this far to simply let me go. I have good days and bad days, but the beautiful thing about that is that my friends and my family love me through it all. I will fight. "I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me."

How It All Began

A synopsis of the last weeks events written by Mom.

Greetings All (in more ways than one as you will see), I wanted to provide some details of how this whole thing started and update our dear friends and family. Brianne has been living and working in our old home place, Sylva, NC for the past year. She began attending my Alma mater Western Carolina University in the Fall of 06. Beez hit a bump in her academic road, put school aside for the time being and began working full time for Wal-Mart in December where she is now a customer service manager. In the meantime she has been developing new relationships and deepening old ones with some church family/friends. Faithful as always, God placed some beautiful people in her life to show His unfailing love for her.

The past 10 months have been an incredible journey for her of grace, faith, love, truth, anger, pain, struggle, acceptance, joy, more love, and more grace. I am beginning to see how God was not only healing but strengthening and (unbenownst to us) preparing her foundationally for a new experience in Faith and Trust. This new path will be filled with a wide range of experiences, emotions and physical changes.

On Sunday September 9th Brianne experienced very sharp pains in her abdomen. They were so severe that a trip to the ER was needed. The ER doctor ran the usual labs, gave her pain medicine and ruled out appendicitis. She was told her platelets were very low and she needed to follow up with her family doctor that week. The next day Brianne was driving down to Macon Georgia as the pain continued. She saw her doctor on Tuesday morning and they performed an ultrasound which revealed and enlarged spleen and she was sent to the hospital for a CT scan. Beez came home and awaited results from the doctor. The call came saying her spleen was very enlarged and her platelet count had dropped critically low. She had to be admitted immediately for a transfusion and further testing. Tuesday evening Beez was in the hospital for what the doctor thought was a very severe case of mono. On Wednesday, the results were negative for mono and other disorders so the next plan was to test for Leukemia. Needless to say we were all shocked to hear of the possibility of Leukemia and we focused our thoughts and prayers on staying positive until we knew for sure. Brianne had a bone marrow biopsy in which they were not able to aspirate any fluid and that was not a good sign. Late Friday afternoon the oncologist told us that my Beez had Leukemia. We did not yet know the type but were told that she needed to be transferred right away to a specialized cancer treatment center. We chose Emory and thankfully Emory had a bed and a physician to accept her right away. She was transferred late that night and that's where she is now.

It has been a real whirlwind of events and quite a shocking discovery for us all. On Saturday, the doctor told us that another bone marrow biopsy needed to be done to determine the type. They knew it was acute and not chronic but whether it was ALL or AML had yet to be determined. They explained that she displayed markers for both. So again we waited and hoped for the best. On Tuesday afternoon we were given a definitive diagnosis of acute lymphoblastic leukemia, ALL. So now, let the treatment begin. We have gathered information, asked numerous questions and searched out the search engines to find all that we can about ALL. There are links attached to this site for additional information. Some very positive things can be said for the treatment and recovery rate of people diagnosed with ALL. Brianne will be getting a very aggressive treatment regime. Once again, and much to Brianne's dismay, even though she is an adult, she will be treated as a child. The pediatric treatment plan is the best and most successful course of action to take. We are very pleased with the medical staff here and specifically her doctors.

Brianne and the rest of us will be posting information from time to time to keep everyone updated on her progress and plan of care. There are few things I need to mention about visitation and such. She cannot receive flowers or fresh fruit/vegetables. No visitors under the age of six and no perfumes or strong colonges on her visitors. This is due to immuno risks and nausea/vomitting related to strong smells. More information will be provided later regarding details of treatment but she will be in-patient here at Emory for a minimum of three weeks.



The number to call at her bedside is 404-712-3615. Her mailing address is Brianne Tsavatewa room 615E c/o Emory Hospital 1364 Clifton Rd. NE Atlanta, Ga 30322.



Thank You for all your love, prayers and support. We are very blessed that you are a part of our lives.