Is it actually happening?

As some of you may know, I am back up at Emory right now. I have spent the last 5 days here receiving even more chemo. (For those keeping track: Part 3A of the Hyper-CVAD) I was sitting here today thinking about how different life is for me now. I just could bring myself to believe that all of this is actually happening. Early this week I received a phone call from the transplant coordinator, Cheryl. She wanted to tell me that everything had been approved and after she found out what my doctors had planed for the rest of my treatment that she could set up all the appointments and dates for the bone marrow transplant, but until we have specifics all she could give me was an estimation. The tentative date for transplant will be March 10th. It is later than we were told originally, but we trust that God has a purpose for having us wait. I have to be honest. I don't think I've ever been so afraid in my life. When the doctors first told me that transplant will be my only option for a cure I was confused and unsure of what that really meant. Now that I've had time to mull that over in my head it seems to be all I can think about. This is it. This is my last chance. I am so scared right now. I want to say that I trust God through this all, but sometimes I just can't see Him. I just feel so alone. In my heart I know that truth, but isn't it okay to want the feelings too? Please continue praying. I need it now so very much.