Coming Home

I just wanted to let everyone know that the doctors are sending me home this week. :) I am so happy. I can't wait to get home. Maybe I'll be able to sleep and actually rest. LoL!!! They haven't said exactly what day, but I do know by Thursday at the latest. I have my first clinic visit Thursday. They will be checking my blood counts to determine the send off date. My red blood cell count is high- yay! My platelets are stable- yay! But my white blood cell count has plateaued- eeek! So, focus thoughts and prayers on a raised white blood cell count. I really need them to fight off infection as I transfer back into the "real" world. I'm gonna be one of those funny people at Wal-Mart with a blue mask on and gloves!!!! :) I can't express how much it has meant to me to receive positive feedback here and in all the wonderful notes, cards, and letters in my room. I love you all. And I will continue to post here as I move back home. The doctors will be drawing up a treatment plan based on my next bone marrow biopsy. This plan will tell me how many times a week I'll have to go to the clinic for out-patient chemo. The thought is about 3-4 times a week, but we still aren't positive. Thanks again for all of ya'lls support and love.

Long Days, Short Nights

I'm sorry I haven't posted in a few days. Even though I only have IV chemo once a week, I get loads of pills daily and they are really building up in my system. I've not been feeling well these past few days. The doctors say that it is normal with the steroids, and many different chemicals that I'll be sore and sick. It's expected. The doctor spoke with me today about my blood counts and they are all up. Good news. So, even though I don't FEEL good, my body is fighting back. :) Today I received my last in-patient chemo treatment. Next week I'll have a bone marrow biopsy on Thursday and then we will be looking at breaking out! The doctors say that I maybe out as early as next weekend. So maybe only one more week. I'll keep you posted as to the exact date, but it is coming. I can't wait. I've been in the hospital about a month and that is a long time. Ahhh! Thanks for keeping me in your prayers.

Good Days

As the treatment continues I'm really starting to appreciate days like today. I woke up this morning with only a little bit of "sickness." After waking up, I walked around the unit for about 45 mins. It was so nice to get up and move around. As time moves on and the medicines build up in my system, I can really tell how they affect my body. My joints ache constantly and inside my bones are very sensitive and weak. The doctors say it is a combination between the steroids building up in my system and my marrow trying to rejuvenate itself. So, yay for the pain. My body is trying to fix itself. That is good news! The doctors have moved me to increased precautions with contact and having visitors. You must now check in with the nurses before coming to my room. It is for my protection. So I'm just reminding everyone that it might be best to call before popping in for a visit. I love having visitors, but as things are moving on, it is getting harder on me to have so much activity. I find that just doing daily things make me tired and in pain. I do appreciate all the love, prayers, and encouraging thoughts that I receive here daily. I can't wait until the doctors release me and I can come and visit with all you wonderful and faithful friends. If you like you can call my bedside anytime before 9 pm. (I try to get into bed by then) I am always awake by 8 am (I have no choice...the techs start making their rounds. :). All of my contact info is listed here on the site. Thank you again for your prayers. I really can use them at this time. The shock has started to wear off and now the reality of what is going on is starting to set in. I am becoming more and more aware of the fight I have ahead of me. I will press on. Please keep praying for strength and faith. I love you all so much. And thank you for standing with me in this hard time.

Friday

Tonight's post will be short. I have been in a lot of pain today as a result of the biopsy yesterday. Also the chemo drugs have caused me to feel sick to my stomach. Yuck. I am adding the pictures from yesterday. My mom shaved my head for me. I hope that they bring a smile to your face. :)

Today

Today was a tough day. It was very nice though that my mom was able to be here with me all afternoon. I'm already feeling the effects of the chemo treatment. Tired, yucky, and sick to my stomach, but I'm encouraged because the doctors say that my body is accepting all the drugs very well. The doctors did not have to preform a lumbar puncture today. Good news. :) And the biopsy went "smoothly." Thank you for your prayers. I really felt them today. Oh, ps. I'm bald now.

Day 18

Today makes day 18 at Emory University Hospital. After spending this much time in one room you would think I would be tired. Well, I am. Haha. At this point in treatment the best way to describe how I feel is tired. The medicine is building up in my system and is really starting to affect me. Tomorrow will be another big day. I have a bone marrow biopsy, spinal tap/ lumbar puncture, and IV chemo. Today I'm just spending resting. My mom did get to come up yesterday and today! :) My stepdad also made a surprise visit along with Ronnie and Tommy Dampier. Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. Miss you all.

Nonsense

I have the pleasure of possessing an active imagination. After spending weeks in a single room can your imagination be asked to remain still and quiet? Mine will certainly not. I keep rolling over and over in my mind the past weeks events and how they came to be. After spending time on the phone talking with many friends and loved ones, I've decided to document my feelings and multiple responses to this life changing news. One question that seems to be reoccurring is what did you first think when the doctors said it was leukemia? To be honest I don't know. I received the diagnosis on Friday, but it was really on Thursday that I think I knew. When they said that they would have to test for leukemia I just sort of knew that is what it was. I wasn't scared, confused, or even angry. I was very okay with it. Looking back that is how I would have wanted it to go. What can you do really? Say no thanks I'll take something else. I had a problem set before me and instead of shirking it off, I accepted. My life has always been full of some kind of drama or another. It would be a shame now, if just because I'm confined to four walls, should that change. With lunacy running high in my family I easily became the cherry on the top. I never wished for some trauma to run my life a muck, but I would be lying not to say that traumatic experiences highlight the lives of those who I admire and call great. I am, for lack of a better expression, excited about the changes this disease will and had brought into my life. For one thing, I have lost weight. I know that is shallow and pathetic, but it makes me smile. For anyone who truly knows me, they know that my self image is less than sterling. Over the past week I've lost a total of 8lbs and 6 oz. (A baby) Also, in the area of losing things, my hair has decided that a vacation is long overdue. I was combing it out and when I say out. I mean ....out. I huge chunk fell to the sink. I cried. But then, all of a sudden I was okay with it. It all became so clear. Then medicine wasn't just pills anymore. The chemo wasn't just fluid anymore. The pain wasn't just temporary anymore. The climax had come and it was real. It was at that moment that I was angry. That moment when confusion had decided to fall. It was at that moment that I was scared that I couldn't do this. I got into the shower and cried. All I wanted at that moment was someone to hold me. Someone to tell me that I was going to be okay. No one was here. My family was in Macon, Birmingham, and Jackson. My friends were taking care of their responsibilities and I was alone. I felt sorry for myself. I was alone and by what I could tell, no one really cared. As I got out of the shower, still crying, it hit me. I am not alone. How could I have ever forgotten? How could I have not known to run into God's hands? After spewing off rhetoric about knowing God has a plan for all this, how could I be so blind? Just like in a movie, I crawled into my bed, wet hair and all, pulled the covers tight up to my chin, and I cried into God's arms. No day is like the one before it even though the same things happen everyday.