Nothing to do with cancer.

There are some days that just make you want to write. The weather is set, the circumstance is presented, and then it comes- inspiration. Today was not that day. I mulled about doing this then that and nothing. I have this overpowering desire to write something beautiful, something full of meaning, but I just don't feel like I have anything of importance to say. How frustrating. Maybe I'm doomed to spend my days filling pages with paragraphs of nonsense and blah blahs with bits of poetry and cliches' stuck in-between. If you have any ideas for me to ponder and butcher or maybe to pontificate upon please send them my way. Muse speak to me. Some one please "a-muse" me. Teeheehee.

Hard Days

I'm sorry I haven't posted in a few days. When I came home on Saturday I wasn't feeling well at all. I had been totally wiped out from the new chemo. Sunday morning I spent very sick to my stomach and just feeling puny. By the afternoon though I began to feel much better. This morning mom took me out to the mall to walk around and get a change of scenery. Monday mornings are a great time to go to the mall by the way, no one is there. :) But just as I was paying for something I got a nosebleed. Never a good thing. I had been having some bleeding since last night, but then with the nosebleed we had to call the doctor. I was really upset because I know that if lab results came back saying my platelets were low I was going to have to be admitted again for another transfusion. I spent all afternoon sitting and waiting. The crazy thing is that this is going to be my new normal. The labs did come back okay so the doctor at Emory said I just may need to come back to the clinic a day early. I have an appointment on Wednesday, but they said they may want to see me tomorrow. I feel puny now, tired and just frustrated because I have absolutely no control over what my blood is doing. Oh , well. Keep praying please. Things are really hard right now. The new chemo is very hard and is making me very sick. I love you all. God bless.

Going Home Again

Well, after spending an exhausting week in the hospital I get to go home. I found out this week what my new chemo is going to look like. It's going to be hard. The beginning of the week was okay, but towards the end I began to feel sick often. I will be back in the hospital around turkey day. Woo hoo. Hospital Thanksgiving Food!!! I can't wait. :) Thanks for your prayers. I will probably post again today when I get home. When I can sit down and sort out my head. I'll give some more detailed information about what is going to be going on with the new treatment program. TTFN.

Just the Facts

Just a few fill ins for everyone. The Dr. called Brianne Thursday evening with the treatment teams recommendation. She begins the new treatment protocol this Monday at the hospital, Emory, and will be inpatient for a week depending on healthy she remains. The change in treatment protocol is due to a 1% level of leukemic cells remaining in her bone marrow. Although 1% sounds good, it is relative due to many other factors, most importantly it is not where she should or had expected for her to be at this point due to the type of previous aggressive treatment. The main factor that must be considered and is directing treatment has to do with her chromosome 11 abnormality which indicates her being at high risk for the leukemia replicating and returning. Therefore, the doctor/team says it is in her best interest to begin preparation for bone marrow transplant. This is a very lengthy and involved treatment and will involve several months preparing. We do not have details at this time and have many more questions than we have information to share. As we find out more during the weeks to come we will provide more information. We know we will have more frequent hospital stays and outpatient travelling through the weeks ahead. Again, will know more later and share what we know.

What we do know. Fact #1 "Brianne is His workmanship created for good things in Christ" Fact#2 the chromosome 11 abnormality is no surprise to the Creator and Redeemer and Healer of ALL things. (the pun very much intended) Fact#3 "Thus says the Lord who created you who formed you: Be not afraid, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I-AM the Lord your God…You are precious in my sight, and honored, and I love you… Be not afraid, for I am with you… Isaiah 43

I have found comfort in many scriptures but ran across this truth yesterday and was brought again to a place of peace within. "Not grace to bar what is not bliss, Nor flight from all distress, but this, The grace that orders our trouble and pain and then in the darkness is there to sustain. Grace is secure. And no failure or suffering or struggle, darkness or trouble can keep us from God's secure grace. It remains. It endures. And by grace we are kept. By grace, and grace alone... (J. Piper)

Thank You seems such an inadequate word to convey our appreciation for the love and prayers shown to us but please know how grateful and thankful we are for all of you being a part of our lives.

With Sincere Thanks, Brenda and the Indians

Certain

I'm sure now. I'm sure that I don't understand why God allows somethings to happen. I am sure that God will sustain me through this and through the rest of my life. I am sure that there is a reason for this battle. I got the call from the doctor. I will have to return to Emory for another stay in the hospital. This time will only be for 5-7 days (depending on my cell counts). The doctors have been running tests and doing studies and have found an abnormality in my 11th chromosome which puts me in a high risk bracket for my type of leukemia. Translation: that even if the chemo knocks out the cancer this time around (which it didn't do with this last treatment protocol) the chances of the leukemia returning are at a much higher percentile. I will be undergoing a bone marrow transplant. On Monday afternoon I will return to Emory in Atlanta for a short stay (hopefully) to begin a new chemo treatment regimen. I will be spending the majority of those days hooked up to an IV receiving continual chemo medications. I'm NOT looking forward to this. As I will not be at the hospital for long I shouldn't receive mail there. My Macon address is still the primary. I will post my bedside number when I get it, but ask for no calls before 9am and after 8 pm. With this bout of chemo, I am going in not as strong as the last time, so I am anticipating some illness. This treatment will be much harder than the last as it is much stronger. So I am asking for continued prayers of strength and wellness. After I am released I will be coming back to Macon and then the doctors anticipate that I will only have to return to Emory twice a week for my out-patient treatment. This out-patient treatment will be done in two cycles, an A-cycle and a B-cycle for 21 days each. This will be preparing my body for the transplant. Please pray for possible donors, matches, and for God's will to be done, shown, and understood in this situation. Thanks so much for everything. I love you all. And miss you all. Please feel free to email me at any time.

Uncertain

Well, I went to see the doctor Tuesday. And I still don't have any more answers today than I had last week. We are unsure of what the next move in my treatment will be. The doctors have said that I am still showing active leukemia cells in my body and with that in mind, I am going to have to come off of this particular study and protocol for treatment. As it is not in my best interest to continue with just chemo, they are saying that I most likely will be looking at a bone marrow transplant. I'm not excited about this possibility. But as I stated earlier, we are still really unsure of what the next move is since we are waiting back on some more test results. We should be getting those answers today... So please keep praying. I've been feeling very lost and uncertain about where God is taking me and how all of this is going to work out. Physically, I really think the medicines are catching up with me. I'm very very tired often and in some pain, but I press on. I often don't really feel like myself, just kind of lost and confused and discombobulated. When we hear from the doctors there will be a full report and what the next move will be. Many of you have asked about being tested to see if you are a possible match to be a donor. I don't know how you get tested, but I am going to find out. And will post those answers here as soon as I know. Thanks to all of you and I love you and miss you.

Tuesday is the day

This weekend has been so full. My entire family has been here all weekend. Both brothers, the grandmother, the Tyler, the mother, the sister-in-law, the step-dad, and the sicky. Full house. It has been wonderful. It has also been stressful. I went to Atlanta on Thursday and had all those wonderful procedures done that I've learned to just love (NOT). I have an appointment Tuesday with the doctor to discuss my treatment options based on the results from my biopsy. I also have chemo scheduled for that day, so needless to say I'm excited. HA! So, Tuesday is the day. Be praying for amazing things Tuesday. I am.